Miracles

The stillness of the night always brings me to you. It reminds me of when I was pregnant and as soon as I laid down, the kicking started. It is the same with this wait. I snuggle down in bed and suddenly my head is swirling with thoughts of you and my heart aches to see your face. I would have never thought I could long for something so distant and unknown but this journey has taught me otherwise. There is no doubt in my mind that you are as much a part of my being as your brothers and sister were. Connected differently, yes. But nevertheless connected. A supernatural connection that defies explainability, a miracle. I remember when Daddy and I were pondering the idea of adoption and we were talking with lots of different people. Over and over we heard, "If you are this attached to a little girl in China then there is no doubt this is from the Lord." It's true. You are from God.

I am struggling with the wait. I wonder why God had us start this journey only to then have to wait so long to meet you. I don't understand it. But I have to accept it. There are times when I am more accepting than others. Tonight, I am caught up in the why's. In my head, I know that God's timing is perfect, that he knows all things, and is only out for our good - both yours and mine. But I don't understand why this journey, why this path, why we must both walk down the endlessly winding road of patience. I hope that someday we will both look back and be able to see that God's timing was indeed perfect. That we met not a day too soon nor a day too late.

We are anxious. Anna Claire prays for you every day that you would come this year. She wants to love on her sister as much as Daddy and I want to hold you in our arms. We are praying for a miracle. We long to see your sweet face and we are believing that God will bring you to us this year, 2008. I don't know how he is going to do it, but that's why he is God and I am not.

I love you. I am praying for you and imagining our days together. How precious it will be to hold you in my arms and not just in my thoughts.

Love,
Mommy