5.26.2011

thank you, part B

Baby Chic Pink Thank You 3x5 folded card
Elegant thank you cards and notes by Shutterfly.
View the entire collection of cards.



y'all get to look at my cute card so i can get a $10 credit to shutterfly!  but it is cute, if i do say so myself.  and fits perfectly into my plan to write thank you notes to those who were instrumental in bringing little SJ home.  yes, mom, i have already written thank you notes once.  but you know, i feel like people need to see and hear again just how much their gifts to us helped perform a miracle.  God is so gracious to have given us little SJ. 

5.23.2011

editor's letters

reading the 'letters to the editor' in wheaton's alumni magazine tonight...

the place God calls you to is the place where your gladness and the world's hunger meet. Frederick Buechner

thought provoking...

burning bush

eric and i celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary the other day.  and over a scrumptious lunch we said to each other, 'you know, our life really isn't any different than we would have imagined it would be.'

true.  in lots of ways.  in most ways.  and yet as i've thought about that conversation i've realized there is something that isn't so much what i envisioned.  adoption.  yes, we had always thought about adopting a little chinese girl.  but i don't think i ever thought about adopting two.  and i never imagined being so in love with the adoption cause.  i think if you would have asked me about it i would have simply explained our desire for an adoption and it would have ended there.  not this heart-pulling desire to help the chinese orphan.  it has caught me by surprise and i am still processing what it exactly means in my life.

on several occasions lately i have been asked questions like, "if you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?" or something along those lines.  and the first thing in my mind, without any hesitation, is to go back to china to help in an orphanage.  not only would i love to do that but i want that for all my children.  i want them to see the plight of the orphan, to see where God rescued lydia and sarahjoy from.  to be able to touch and smell and taste china (however gross that may be...)  i don't care about luxury vacations or even exposing my kids to the great US of A.  what i really care about is the orphan, specifically china's orphans, and providing an opportunity for my kids to become passionate about caring for God's precious children.  and if you had talked to me 14 years ago, that is not where i would have placed my heart.

i probably would have told you i would have a great ministry with teenage girls.  and well, that's not so much happening these days.  nor do i have any desire for that to happen.  at least not for another 7 or so years when i have a small group of teenage girls under my own roof!

and to be honest, i have no idea what to do with this relatively newly discovered, unexpected passion.  yes, we have adopted two kids.  but i don't feel like it ends there.  what's next?  do we actively seek to encourage other families to adopt?  we've certainly been approached by some who are interested but no one seems to really be interested.  maybe they need a gentle push from someone who has been there, who has the fire in their belly.  do we save our pennies and seek to expose our children to china's orphans?  i would love to take them on a trip with 'show hope' or some other organization that does orphan work.  does our influence need to be focused on the next generation, and not necessarily those outside our familial boundaries?  (wouldn't that be incredible for God to give our kids a passion for adoption and we could have grandchildren who were adopted from all around the world?)

or does it involve us personally taking the dive again to bring home another orphan?   let's talk unexpected...this, my friends, is a thought that was completely unexpected 6 months ago, much less 14 years ago.   if you had asked me before traveling to get sarahjoy if we would even ponder doing it again i would have given you an adamant no.  and yet again i find myself in a swirl of emotion wondering if God is calling our family to something that is so crazy and unsettling it makes my stomach turn.

i don't know.  in reading mary beth chapman's book, 'choosing to see', she talks about their decision to adopt and how she asked God for a burning bush.  i fell asleep the other night with that as my prayer.  please, lord, send me a burning bush.  i need to know if this is from you.  i need to know where to go with my passions.  i need you to be clear.  really clear God.  


i have no idea where we are going on this journey.  i would like to know.  really would like to know.

God, burning bush.  burning.  bush.  really.  clear.  i NEED a really clear burning bush!  k?

4.03.2011

changed

i realize an update is long overdue.  gracious.

sarahjoy is doing spendidly (love that word!)  we were at the cardiologist's and the pediatrician's office last week and both gave her superb reports of good health.  it's not an exaggeration to say that they were giddy at how well she was doing.  i have to remind myself, because things have gone so well, that when we brought this sweet thing home she was SICK.  as in REALLY sick.  like doctors freaking out sick.  i remember sitting in the heart surgeon's office and going through what was going to happen with the surgery.  eric kept saying, "and what if that doesn't work...and what if that isn't successful..."  until the doctor said, "well, then we would be looking at a double lung transplant which generally children are not candidates for so we would just need to make her as comfortable as possible."

upon which i took a deep breath and said, "okay, can we stop talking now?"

all that to say, our little girl was really sick and there realistically could be severe long term health implications for her heart not being repaired until much later.  however........................she appears to be completely healthy!

she is growing like a weed.  she has gained 3 pounds in the past month - that's just about 15% of her body weight.  she has grown in height.  and her two-year-old-ness is off the charts.  all of which are indicative of a healthy little girl.  as much as i frown upon fits and getting in to everything, it is a nice reminder that we are being a normal two year old.  in fact, i was thinking on the way home from church today that she is always wanting to walk everywhere, little miss indepedent.  which, one would argue, is pretty typical of the age.  however, in china, she didn't want to walk anywhere.  she wanted us to carry her all the time.  at that point, i chalked it up to stubborness and/or adoption related issues.  but i was thinking this afternoon that maybe a lot of that had to do with the fact that she was exhausted!  her poor little body barely had enough energy for her to breathe, much less have energy to walk.  i remember she would go a few steps and then stop.  she didn't climb on anything and she certainly couldn't be described as being 'all over the place'.  really, i think we were witnessing a miracle.  our little girl shouldn't have been alive.  but there she was, hanging on until mommy and daddy could come bring her home and get her healthy.

sarahjoy is doing great.  she is a bundle of energy, into everything.  she adores her brothers and sisters and her stuffed panda.  she eats anything in sight.  she wants to put her purple converse on and go out the door at any opportunity.  she loves to play chase (inside or out!)  she has particular amounts of fun when she finds a crayon or marker and no one is looking.  i am fully expecting to have at least one piece of furniture ruined by her and am fairly sure i can count on her giving herself a haircut at some point.  it is a different kind of challenge to have a two year old who hasn't been in my care except for a short time.  things that i most certainly would have disciplined and taken care of by this age with the others are new experiences for her.   surprisingly, i never felt that with lydia - she is my very compliant, soft-spoken, quiet little girl.  she would and still does go off and play quietly with her dolls.  she did get into some mischief but she wasn't as fiesty as the ol' sj.  sarahjoy...not so compliant, soft-spoken or quiet.  she is a maniac!  into everything, constantly.  most definitely keeps me on my toes and regularly reminds me - in case i forget - that we have a two year old in our house now.  i would be willing to bet my house on the fact that sarahjoy is going to be our firecracker and there will be some significant explosions under this roof!  a fighter, that kid.  in more ways than one.

we are so thankful.  this morning while i was getting ready and listening to all the kids scurry around i was marveling at how completely normal it seems to have sj in our family.  she fits.  it doesn't even seem weird anymore to have such a little one.  it is our family.  and i love it.    you know, i would love to adopt a treasure trove more.  because adoption is an amazing blessing, a miracle, a God thing.  and i love being a part of that.  i love having miracles staring back at me everyday.  i love having a world perspective right under my own roof.  i love getting a stomachache when i see money being spent lavishly because i have two little treasures that are pictures of how that money could truly do something to change the world.  i love that  i do have two little treasures and they have changed me.

i am pondering what to do with that change.  it's like going on a trip to see the third world, how the 'others' live, and coming back to the comforts of home and feeling a bit, or more than a bit, uncomfortable.  and you don't quite know what to do with what you've seen.  how to process that you have a closet full of shoes and so many have a pair of shoes, or none at all.  except, my trip lives with me.  the memories don't fade and i can't forget what i saw.  i see their precious faces every morning.  and when i see them, i see thousands of other little treasures who need families.  and what do i do?  we can't keep adopting.  we don't have the resources - financial or emotional.  and quite obviously, even if God were to lay it on our hearts for another one (which he hasn't at this point, don't y'all go freaking out on me, although i'm not ruling it out)  that doesn't begin to touch the thousands of orphans i can't bring to my home.  but maybe i can do something bigger.  be a part of the adoption journey for others.  be an advocate for those sweet faces.


The Butterfly Foundation.  makiah loved butterflies.  and butterflies symbolize new life.  hope.  ......in the very beginning stages of thought.  but it's there, rumbling in the back of my head.

so, back to what this post was supposed to be about.  sarahjoy!!!  she's fabulous.  your prayers, God's mercies, and a few amazing doctors.   from all that we can tell, she is 100% healthy.  she will continue on her medication; the doctor will keep her dose steady while she grows so she will essentially be weaning herself off in the next few months.  and then after 4-6 months they will completely stop it.   all the while monitoring her heart and lung pressures.  after that, we're done!  of course, we will continue a regimen with the cardiologist to keep an eye on things but will be done with any treatment of a heart condition.

God has been very merciful to us.  he is always good, but life does not always go the way we would like for it to.  even still, God is good. so i refuse to say, "sj is healthy!  God is good!"  because truly, even if she were not healthy, God is still good.  but for now, he has bestowed his mercies on us and we have been the recipients of a great gift.  we are immensely thankful.  and we are enormously indebted to those of you who have faithfully prayed for sarahjoy and have given to her little life.  you truly have been part of a miracle.

she is all we dreamed of.

this girl loves to be outside!

super big sisters annaclaire and lydia

sj's three favorite things - the doctor, chickfila, and panda

3.11.2011

thankful, part II

and to finish our list of 60...

  • i am thankful for mrs. whaley's english classes who have prayed faithfully over the last few months
  • i am thankful for a dad who has thoroughly embraced our crazy adoption adventures (after a bit of a pause...)
  • i am thankful for little tiny rocking chairs for little tiny girls
  • i am thankful for pajama pants
  • i am thankful for a person in florida who i have never met who sent us a check
  • i am thankful for a loving birthmother who placed sarahjoy in a safe place before saying goodbye forever
  • i am thankful that i can walk in the room and sarahjoy instantly stops crying
  • i am thankful for chili's  (english classes...why is there an apostrophe there?)
  • i am thankful for a heart that kept going despite being twice its normal size and completely overworked
  • i am thankful for xrays so we know what's going on in her lungs
  • i am thankful for pizza gift cards
  • i am thankful for people who i meet for lunch and hand me money
  • i am thankful for a one pound weight gain in one week! (for sarahjoy that is, not me, although i'm running a close second...)
  • i am thankful for antibiotics
  • i am thankful for great friends who invite themselves over for dinner
  • i am thankful for hot showers
  • i am thankful for college kids who love our family and babysit for free over spring break
  • i am thankful for sarahjoy's cries, even if they do last for way too long at naptime
  • i am thankful for disposable diapers
  • i am thankful for full nights of sleep (what are those again?)
  • i am thankful for consignment stores that give me money to pad my clothing budget
  • i am thankful for weekends
  • i am thankful for PBS kids
  • i am thankful for sweet tea
  • i am thankful for PICUS and IV's and breathing monitors
  • i am thankful for family reunions 
  • i am thankful for a praying, God-fearing Mimi who has lived to see an enormous return on her investments in her children
  • i am thankful for two little twin sisters of Makiah that fill their mom and dad's arms again
  • i am thankful for josiah, annaclaire, micah, lydia and sarahjoy for being the cutest and most amazing kids any mom could ask for 
  • i am thankful for eric who hands down is the best father and husband a woman could ever imagine
missing our little itsy...a new family pic is coming soon!  but dang aren't those kids the cutest!

3.09.2011

thankful

so many things about sarahjoy's journey are reasons to be thankful and proclaim God's faithfulness.  in honor of the 60 days she has been with us here are 30 things i am thankful for (people, i cannot think of 60 good ones tonight, operating on about 4 hours of sleep!)

  • i am thankful for God pricking our hearts for adoption.  
  • i am thankful for God providing every penny for us to travel to china.  
  • i am thankful for a brood of loving children who have embraced their new little sister like she has been here forever.  
  • i am thankful for friends who have been spoiling us with delicious meals.
  • i am thankful for a pediatrician who noticed the need to get us to a cardiologist.
  • i am thankful for an amazing surgeon who i think would take sarahjoy home if he could.
  • i am thankful for a children's hospital that is literally 20 minutes from my door.
  • i am thankful for nurses and doctors who don't freak out when a child quits breathing.
  • i am thankful for a mother in law who went above and beyond in caring for our kids for three weeks.
  • i am thankful for a husband who has set aside getting to work early and instead has been going in a bit later in order to get the kids breakfast every morning.
  • i am thankful for naps.
  • i am thankful for a little girl who loves to kiss me and give me hugs, even though she's only known me for 2 months.
  • i am thankful for a mom who could be beside me during the most harrowing 30 minutes of my life.
  • i am thankful for a comfortable home and plenty of stuff to make life easy.
  • i am thankful for the multitude of people who gave sacrificially to bring our little girl home.
  • i am thankful for china who allows us to adopt their precious princesses.
  • i am thankful for a church family who has prayed faithfully for sarahjoy and loves her to death when she walks in the door.
  • i am thankful for health insurance.
  • i am thankful for a government that allows me to heat my home if i so choose (which i do, to a nice comfy 70 degrees)
  • i am thankful for warm cozy blankets to snuggle with while i'm laying on the floor of sarahjoy's room.
  • i am thankful for a little girl who loves to nestle right up to me when we're in bed together (which currently is way too often, but i'll still be thankful.)
  • i am thankful for the family who has lent us their car for the past few weeks while my mother in law was here.
  • i am thankful for our adoption agency who provided a seamless adoption process.
  • i am thankful for president obama and his new laws about adoption expenses and tax refunds.
  • i am thankful for completely unexpected gifts towards sarahjoy's medical expenses.
  • i am thankful for babygap gift cards so sarahjoy can at least have a couple of things to call her own.
  • i am thankful for husbands who love me in spite of an ever increasing waistline thanks to a plethora of stress lately.
  • i am thankful for cameron and rachel who allowed us to name our little one sarahjoy makiah so we can always remember that little blond angel.
  • i am thankful for people who gave us change from their piggy bank and people who gave us $10,000 and every one in between.
  • i am thankful for sarahjoy.

3.05.2011

pointing fingers

i have been avoiding writing a post.  i suppose because i feel like there is nothing dramatic going on.  no one has stopped breathing.  we aren't teetering between life and death.  we are doing the daily routines.  figuring out life.

and it is hard.  i know that a lot of you are silently saying, "i told you so!"  but i am ignoring you.  and i have many things to say to that sentiment but i need to be thinking a bit more clearly.

we knew it would be hard.  it is no surprise.  i have welcomed four children into our family and every time it is a big adjustment.  the fifth is no different.  for those people who say, "once you have three, another one is no big deal,"  well, i just don't think they have actually done it.  or they're lying.  because with every new child comes more work and more responsibility and less time and less energy.  and with every child there is more 'MOMMY!!!!  I NEED YOU!!!!' and less time to give to each call for attention.  it's a balancing act and it takes time to figure it all out.  but it's hard.

sarahjoy is a miracle, let's not forget that!  but she is also two.  and quite spoiled - given that she has had my undivided attention essentially since we first held her in china.  barring a few days of regular family life before surgery, she has been my primary focus.  and she is really not happy when she doesn't have me all to herself.  she does not like me doing anything that doesn't involve her being within 12 inches of me (including sleeping) and she certainly doesn't like me snuggling with her brothers and sisters!  she obviously doesn't speak english, and i don't know that she really speaks chinese either.  i think most of it is baby babble.  but she refuses to point or gesture and instead stands and whines.  a pointing finger would seriously be the best gift from st. patrick i could possibly imagine (if in fact ol' pat gave gifts.)  meanwhile, i get to play the game of figuring out what in the world she wants.  hungry, thirsty, a toy maybe?  does your incision hurt?  is there something else going on medically?or maybe your two year molars?  do you need something else i'm not thinking of?  or...do you just need me.  thankfully, my mother-in-law has been here and has been a LIFE SAVER.  but she leaves tuesday and i have this crazy life all to myself.  help!!!!!  how do i do a whiny two year old, four other kids, a husband, and a household?

so come tuesday, i may be a puddle on the floor.  and if you can't find me there, check the closets.  or the local chocolate shop.  i may have run away.  i'll come back, though.  cause i have to have a chat with all you i-told-you-so peeps.