big blue signs

it had been a late night - i think a pool party or something like that. i can't remember the details. after all, it was high school and unfortunately that was a pretty long time ago! but we aren't dwelling on that detail...i was driving back home and sort of sensed that i was going the wrong way but didn't do anything about it. i just kept driving and figured i would eventually get to a place where i could figure out where exactly i was. i did.

when i saw the sign that read, "welcome to north carolina!" i knew i was headed the wrong way. not that north carolina is that far away from my house, but it is a different state. and generally when you find yourself in a different state on the way home, you need to turn around. thank goodness for big blue signs that pepper state lines.

God has been gracious to plant a few big blue signs in my path over the past week. i knew i wasn't in a good place but i kept on down the road. i was angry, frustrated, doubting his provisions. it didn't seem like where i should be going but i didn't turn around. not until God, in his everlasting love for me and patience for my selfishness, reminded me...

this is for MY glory, not for yours.

God is all about himself. he is about one thing. he is single minded. his glory. that's it, that's what life is all about. and as he paints the huge canvas the we try and define as the 'universe' he sees all, he knows all, he is in charge of every.single.thing.

how foolish of me to even entertain the thought that he doesn't know what's going on with our adoption. that somehow in his busyness he forgot our family. he is God. and he is out for his glory. not my glory, not our family's glory. but his own. he's not going to screw up. after all, he is the one who created sarahjoy. he is the one who has allowed china to have the governing bodies that they do. he is the one who has willingly given them the choice to make a one-child policy. he has created sarahjoy's birthparents and allowed them to get pregnant. he knows the people in the adoption offices. he gets it. and he doesn't just get it, he knows every single detail and how everything is going to play out and he will bring us sarahjoy EXACTLY when she should be home. and his glory is going to be seen. because, that is what he cares about. more than anything else, he wants to show himself glorious.

so yes, do i get discouraged about finances and start staring at bank statements wondering how this is going to work? i do. do i get exhausted with the unending paperwork that always seems to have a glitch in it? i do. am i just ready to be done with this whole process? yes, i am. but wouldn't it be sad if i made this adoption all about me. about our family. about sarahjoy. because that's not what it's about. it is about God's glory. about him getting the credit for great and mighty things. about eyes wide open at what he can do. the miracles that he can perform. the promises that he has made.

i am holding on to that truth. God's glory. here, now, forever and ever.


Claire said...

This is a good reminder. It is really helpful for me to see how God moves in your lives, and remember he's doing the same (in different ways) in my own. I also SO appreciate your honesty about the emotional challenges in all of this. Thanks for being open with yourself!