A curveball

In some ways this adoption journey is so personal, something I want to hold close to my heart and experience quietly. The emotions are raw and I feel vulnerable. On the other hand, God has us on this adventure to ultimately bring himself glory. Because of that, I will proclaim him. So here goes…

The wait for our daughter continues to be around 3 years and possibly longer. There are times when it seems almost suffocating but I have sensed a peace settle into my life. God has reminded me to treasure these days without another baby - like when I am trying to entertain Micah during a 4 hour swim meet or a 1 ½ hour gymnastics practice! These are the times that I think, “Thank you Jesus that there aren’t two of them!” I have been cherishing the peace and thanking God for the relief from an aching heart.

But recently came a change in course that we never saw coming. The story is a bit cumbersome but suffice it to say that we were introduced via the internet to a one year old cherub from China. She had big black eyes, chubby cheeks, and try as I might my heart loved. It was a Friday evening and we would have to wait until Monday to see if she would be our Lydia. As much as she embodied all I had imagined Lydia to be, she was in some ways alarmingly different - she had a cleft palate and a corrected cleft lip. Never in our adoption journey had we entertained the idea of a special needs child but for some reason God had drawn us. We were anxious to bring her home but I was scared she wouldn’t be able to be ours. By the time Monday came, she had in fact been claimed by another family. I couldn’t understand why we found her, why my heart loved, and why she was going to someone else. I needed some serious comforting from the Lord and he was faithful. It was a tough few days but I am confident God used it to bring us to a new place in this journey, a new faith that he has the perfect little girl for our family and his secret will be revealed at the perfect time.

In light of that unexpected twist, we are now applying to be eligible to adopt a special needs child. This is a new idea for us but one God seemed to introduce these past few weeks and so we are following! We will remain in the ‘traditional’ program as well, but if we sense God’s tug towards a special needs child, we will be able to proceed quickly. For now we are sitting tight, wondering when the next curve is coming, and believing these verses that God gave to me during this recent journey,

“Why do you complain, (Ashleigh)?
Why do you say, (Ashleigh), ‘(Our adoption) is hidden from the Lord; (our desire to adopt a little girl) is disregarded by my God?’
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of (our little girl).
He will not grow tired or weary (of creating our perfect cherub), and his understanding (of this lengthy process I can’t) fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the (patience) of the weak.
Even (32 year olds) grow tired and weary (of waiting)
And young (women) stumble and fall (into discouragement);
But those who hope in the Lord (for the perfect little girl for our family) will renew their strength.
(I) will (live life to the fullest); (I) will (wait) and not grow (impatient),
(I) will (keep praying) and not be (discouraged).”
Isaiah 40:27-31