God is big.

When God is moving, it is intense - thrilling, but intense. We are hanging on as he continues to work this adoption journey into the most dramatic God-adventure we have ever been on. We will proclaim him in all of his glory so not only we can be strengthened but all of you as well!

A couple of weeks ago I sent an update - we continue to wait in the ‘traditional’ pool for adoption and are completing paperwork to be eligible for a special needs adoption if that should be the way God leads. To clarify, China identifies any child with an abnormality as ‘special needs’ – we are interested in a child with a medically correctable defect (cleft lip/palate, etc.) or something that a child could adapt to and live a normal life (i.e. a missing finger, an ill-placed birthmark, etc.)

God has given us little doubt that he is in charge of this whole adventure - these past weeks have been no exception. His next step for us - a directive to pray for a miracle. I most definitely resisted; to be honest I equate praying for miracles with disappointment and humiliation. However, he has been working on me and prodding me to believe him for more than what is realistic, sharing the journey with each of you so that we all can witness our mighty and miraculous God in a new way.

And so this is the prayer he has given us – that God would bring us our little girl before the end of this year. There are all sorts of reasons why this is not a realistic hope. The wait for traditional adoptions continues to be 2-3 years from now. In addition, an increasing number of families like ours are interested in children with mild special needs which makes that avenue very iffy. Only God can make it happen – we believe that and we anticipate watching it happen right before our eyes. It is a scary but peaceful place to be. A little crazy, a lot faith-stretching, and definitely way out of my comfort zone! But God has done great things and will continue to do great and mighty things to bring our Lydia home.

We invite you to pray with us. We invite you to stand and watch with us while God exhibits his power in amazing ways. We are waiting with expectation, inviting him to do a miraculous work, and standing by to proclaim his name loud and clear when it happens. And…we can’t wait to introduce you to our little Lydia really, really soon!

“Your ways, God, are holy.
What god is as great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.”
Psalm 77:13-14

Miracles

It has been a year that my heart has been waiting for you. I would have thought you would have been ours by now but God had other plans. He knew that we weren't ready to meet each other. But I think about you all the time, wondering if you are on this earth of just a secret God is waiting to place in a mother's womb. I long for you more than you will ever know or could even imagine. My heart breaks when I think of how long it may take us to meet you. BUT...I am believing God for a miracle. He has burdened me to pray for a miracle and so I am obeying. God is going to bring you to us THIS YEAR. I don't know how he's going to do it but He has told me to pray for it so I am obeying.

Lord - I am believing you for a miracle - to bring our sweet daughter and sister home to us this year. Protect her and guide us to her. You are the Creator and the Giver of Life. You know her and know exactly how she will come into our family. We ask you for a miracle. Bring her home this year.

Wait patiently my princess, we are coming for you.

Lord, grant us the desires of our hearts. Guide us in your paths of believing and praying for you to do the miraculous. We know you can do it and though I am scared to put my trust in that knowledge - I am going there with faith that you will do a miracle. I am obeying you, dear Lord.

A curveball

In some ways this adoption journey is so personal, something I want to hold close to my heart and experience quietly. The emotions are raw and I feel vulnerable. On the other hand, God has us on this adventure to ultimately bring himself glory. Because of that, I will proclaim him. So here goes…

The wait for our daughter continues to be around 3 years and possibly longer. There are times when it seems almost suffocating but I have sensed a peace settle into my life. God has reminded me to treasure these days without another baby - like when I am trying to entertain Micah during a 4 hour swim meet or a 1 ½ hour gymnastics practice! These are the times that I think, “Thank you Jesus that there aren’t two of them!” I have been cherishing the peace and thanking God for the relief from an aching heart.

But recently came a change in course that we never saw coming. The story is a bit cumbersome but suffice it to say that we were introduced via the internet to a one year old cherub from China. She had big black eyes, chubby cheeks, and try as I might my heart loved. It was a Friday evening and we would have to wait until Monday to see if she would be our Lydia. As much as she embodied all I had imagined Lydia to be, she was in some ways alarmingly different - she had a cleft palate and a corrected cleft lip. Never in our adoption journey had we entertained the idea of a special needs child but for some reason God had drawn us. We were anxious to bring her home but I was scared she wouldn’t be able to be ours. By the time Monday came, she had in fact been claimed by another family. I couldn’t understand why we found her, why my heart loved, and why she was going to someone else. I needed some serious comforting from the Lord and he was faithful. It was a tough few days but I am confident God used it to bring us to a new place in this journey, a new faith that he has the perfect little girl for our family and his secret will be revealed at the perfect time.

In light of that unexpected twist, we are now applying to be eligible to adopt a special needs child. This is a new idea for us but one God seemed to introduce these past few weeks and so we are following! We will remain in the ‘traditional’ program as well, but if we sense God’s tug towards a special needs child, we will be able to proceed quickly. For now we are sitting tight, wondering when the next curve is coming, and believing these verses that God gave to me during this recent journey,

“Why do you complain, (Ashleigh)?
Why do you say, (Ashleigh), ‘(Our adoption) is hidden from the Lord; (our desire to adopt a little girl) is disregarded by my God?’
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of (our little girl).
He will not grow tired or weary (of creating our perfect cherub), and his understanding (of this lengthy process I can’t) fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the (patience) of the weak.
Even (32 year olds) grow tired and weary (of waiting)
And young (women) stumble and fall (into discouragement);
But those who hope in the Lord (for the perfect little girl for our family) will renew their strength.
(I) will (live life to the fullest); (I) will (wait) and not grow (impatient),
(I) will (keep praying) and not be (discouraged).”
Isaiah 40:27-31