Burdened

I was so overwhelmed thinking about Lydia today at church. My heart was so heavy. Is this the day of her conception? Surely not her birth? Maybe her mom was deciding whether to keep her. I don't know but I couldn't get rid of the picture and the intense need to pray. Sometimes I feel like I am psycho - so in love with a girl that I don't even know. And really don't even know if I will know her.

I know this is going to be a faith journey. And when we walk through the door with Lydia we will have a huge God story to tell.

Oh God, make our path so clear. Remove hindrances and bring us confirmations. Thank you that you love us so much.

UPDATE: Lydia's birthday is listed as 12/28/2005 but that is a guess. She was not given up until mid-March and so her day of birth is a mere estimate. I think she was probably born on January 22, 2006. I believe with my whole heart that I was praying for our little girl the evening of her birth. It was a Sunday morning here that I will never forget.

WAIT.

Boy, who would have thought we would be here. Eric and I continue to pray about adopting a little Chinese girl. It has been the weirdest journey. I am so in love with this little girl - I can see her face in my head. Quite literally I can see her standing up with big chunky legs, round brown eyes and 2 sticky up ponies on top of her head. What is this? My imagination, a picture from the Lord? That part is confusing. What's not confusing is that God has laid this on our hearts and instructed us to pray. We feel like He has asked us to seek wisdom until May and the He will give us an answer.

I am scared. I am scared that God is going to say no. I know intellectually that His ways are best but I guess I don't trust that. Why would he give me/allow my heart to go somewhere only to be disappointed? And yet here I am again with Him saying WAIT. Don't jump to conclusions. WAIT.

Help me Lord to WAIT.