we'll see...

“And it would be a HUGE miracle for us to get a referral from this group of children. Nevertheless, we are praying that if Lydia is in this group then somehow, someway she would get to us.” March Update #1

Wow, I only wish you could have been in our house the last 48 hours. I feel so many things and my head is swirling – I have deleted this first paragraph 5 times as I simply don’t know what to say. This adoption journey has encompassed so many emotions and had so many twists and turns and yet within the past 2 days it’s magnitude has come down to one little girl, two parents, and a God who knows what’s best. I suppose that’s always what it has been, but suddenly there is a face to put with all of our dreams and the weight of the situation is big, really big.

She will be three in June. She was abandoned when she was about 6 weeks old and was found to have a heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot. She had open heart surgery in April 2007 and has since done well and is being cared for in the orphanage. In every way, she would seem to be our Lydia. We have spoken with a pediatric cardiologist and he has given us every reason to believe she would live a very normal and healthy life. Certainly, we are not blind to the potential complications she might endure, but we are at peace with her needs. We want her to be our Lydia. We really want her to be our sister and our daughter. We really, really want to love her. And we do already in some weird, abstract way, the same way you love that little pin-sized blob of cells the minute you find out you are expecting.

But she isn’t ours yet. There are at least 3 other families who also are interested in adopting this little girl. Given that, our agency has directed us to complete a few pieces of additional paperwork and have it to them by noon on Thursday. They will then have a committee who will choose the family they feel is best suited for this little girl. At this point, it is completely out of our control. It is in God’s hands and for that we are grateful. And yet there is the human part of us that cringes at the thought of someone else with this little girl. Deep in the depths of my heart, as difficult as it is to say out loud, I truly believe she is ours. She is our miracle. I battle knowing whether I need to ask for courage to stay strong to what I believe God has spoken to me or strength to let it all go and watch God do what he will do. It is a balancing act for which I have not had much practice!

We ask for your prayers. We are asking and believing God for two things. One, that this process would not be drawn out. We would love to have a definite answer by next weekend. And two, that she would be ours. Pretty simple, we really want her.

We will keep you updated! If you want your heart to melt, I have attached a couple of pictures. (She is actually very small but she is dressed in traditional Chinese winter apparel!)

Easter blessings,
Eric and Ashleigh

vulnerability

I am vacillating on whether to send out an update. I have tried to think of a good reason not to for the past couple of days but I am continually reminded that this journey is about more than our family. There is not a doubt in our minds that our adoption story is going to be God’s way of shouting his greatness to people far beyond the borders of our house. Nevertheless, this next step is about as awkward as announcing to the world that you are trying to get pregnant – a little personal, a lot vulnerable. I don’t know why I think God is going to let me off the hook now that things are getting really close to our hearts – all the more reason to continually repeat, to ourselves and to those around us, that our God is good and he is faithful.

So where are we at? We have recently filled out a special needs medical checklist that says we will accept a girl between the ages of 8 months and 30 months with any of the following conditions – cleft lip/cleft palate, minor heart issues (murmur, hole in her heart), missing fingers or toes, partial hearing loss, or hepatitis B (not C).

Our agency emailed yesterday and said that they have received a listing of special needs children (probably around 10) and will begin matching them with families on March 12. Priority goes to families 1) who have been in the special needs adoption process – we are just entering it; 2) who have been turned down for a special needs child once or more – not us; and 3) according to how long your paperwork has been in – for us since December 2006 but many families have been waiting longer. We are really low on the totem pole when it comes to priority and we are relatively very narrow in what we will accept. Both are reasons why bringing Lydia home this year without a doubt requires a miracle. And it would be a HUGE miracle for us to get a referral from this group of children.

Nevertheless, we are praying that if Lydia is in this group then somehow, someway she would get to us. We know nothing about the children, how many there are, their descriptions, nothing. We simply wait for a phone call like 50 other families will do come mid-March. We are praying faithfully that God’s will would be done. We could be showing you pictures of sweet Lydia in a matter of a week, or we could pray ourselves through this round and wait for the next which would come in June. Only God knows. It is scary being potentially so close and yet realistically so far away. Thank goodness for a God who knows what’s best for us. Please pray with us that we will remember and hold closely to his promises. Only he can guard our hearts like we need him to. Thank you so much for walking with us on this journey.

“Lord, we will wait for you; you will answer, O Lord my God.”

Ashleigh and Eric
*in case you are wondering, we are in this thing together, I just happen to be the writer in the family!