anxiously waiting

Last time I wrote we were awaiting a log-in date which is just a fancy way of saying what day our file was placed in a huge room along with thousands of others files and officially entered into the line for adopting from China. Last week we finally heard from our adoption agency and were given a log-in date of December 30, 2006.
It is from that date that we begin counting! In January the wait from log-in to referral (the day which you receive information of the actual little girl you will adopt) was 15 months. Now, it is 16 ½ months! So we are looking at about May 2008 when we will hear about our little girl, a couple months after that we will travel to go get her. That brings us to a total of over 2 years that we will have been in this process – you can see why adoption has the potential to be an emotionally exhausting journey. That’s almost 3 pregnancies worth of waiting (at least we don’t have to do the throwing up, gaining weight thing!)
Which brings me to what I find myself most wanting to communicate with all those we run into. For those of you who have carried a baby in your womb – or been a part of that journey – you know that the mom and dad are infinitely in love with that baby long before they ever see her. They talk to her, dream about her, and anxiously await the day they will meet her. It is not so different with adoption. There is no doubt that I am anxiously awaiting the day we will hold Lydia in our arms. I keep a journal for each of my children and she has one too. I write to her, I dream about her, I think about what life will be like when she comes. I am madly in love with her. I don’t feel her kicking or get to see her on an ultrasound but she is as much a part of my being as if I did get to do those things. There is a common misconception that adoptive families just go about their business and poof! one day they get a phone call and then they begin to fall in love with their baby. Not the case – I am as much in love with Lydia as I was with any of my other children before they came into this world.
And so there are days where it is really hard to think about waiting another 18 months before I hold her. Many times I wonder how in the world we are going to wait that long. An eerily similar feeling to when I was pregnant with Micah – laying in the hospital thinking that I could not possibly do this for another day, much less the 4 months that was staring me in the face. But as God did with Micah, he will do again. He will give me the strength to carry on without a shadow of sadness. And if these months of waiting are anything like my last experience – God will speak to me in amazing, life-changing ways.
So there’s an update on my heart and our adoption journey! We would love your continued prayers for our 3 major requests:
1. Lydia’s family. I have shed many, many tears thinking about her parents. Can you imagine carrying a child knowing that you are going to give her away? Can you even think about bundling up your new baby and abandoning her in a place where you hope someone will find her in the morning? Can you imagine giving her away with total anonymity knowing that you will never know what happened to her? The thought of it is almost nauseating. I know that God gave me a vision for the little girl who was to be our own and I am praying diligently that God would do the same for her parents. Somehow that He could give them a clear vision that their little girl, whom they have handed over to the cold dark night, will be safe in America. God’s peace is the only thing that could possibly salve such a gaping wound.
2. Lydia’s health. She is most likely in utero right now and we pray for her development and growth. Like any of our children, we would like for her to be healthy!
3. Finances. A praise!! We received a grant of $3000 from Shoahannah’s Hope and our adoption agency recently instituted a pastor’s discount of $1500! The only expenses we have left to pay are the travel costs which are estimated around $10,000. We would love to find someone who has airline miles that they would like to share as the vast majority of the expense is air travel. We are continuing to pray that God would provide however he sees fit – be it through our wallet or someone else’s!
Thank you so much for being a part of our adoption journey! It will be SO FUN to introduce you to our precious little girl – even if it is 18 months away!!
Blessings,
Ashleigh