pointing fingers

i have been avoiding writing a post.  i suppose because i feel like there is nothing dramatic going on.  no one has stopped breathing.  we aren't teetering between life and death.  we are doing the daily routines.  figuring out life.

and it is hard.  i know that a lot of you are silently saying, "i told you so!"  but i am ignoring you.  and i have many things to say to that sentiment but i need to be thinking a bit more clearly.

we knew it would be hard.  it is no surprise.  i have welcomed four children into our family and every time it is a big adjustment.  the fifth is no different.  for those people who say, "once you have three, another one is no big deal,"  well, i just don't think they have actually done it.  or they're lying.  because with every new child comes more work and more responsibility and less time and less energy.  and with every child there is more 'MOMMY!!!!  I NEED YOU!!!!' and less time to give to each call for attention.  it's a balancing act and it takes time to figure it all out.  but it's hard.

sarahjoy is a miracle, let's not forget that!  but she is also two.  and quite spoiled - given that she has had my undivided attention essentially since we first held her in china.  barring a few days of regular family life before surgery, she has been my primary focus.  and she is really not happy when she doesn't have me all to herself.  she does not like me doing anything that doesn't involve her being within 12 inches of me (including sleeping) and she certainly doesn't like me snuggling with her brothers and sisters!  she obviously doesn't speak english, and i don't know that she really speaks chinese either.  i think most of it is baby babble.  but she refuses to point or gesture and instead stands and whines.  a pointing finger would seriously be the best gift from st. patrick i could possibly imagine (if in fact ol' pat gave gifts.)  meanwhile, i get to play the game of figuring out what in the world she wants.  hungry, thirsty, a toy maybe?  does your incision hurt?  is there something else going on medically?or maybe your two year molars?  do you need something else i'm not thinking of?  or...do you just need me.  thankfully, my mother-in-law has been here and has been a LIFE SAVER.  but she leaves tuesday and i have this crazy life all to myself.  help!!!!!  how do i do a whiny two year old, four other kids, a husband, and a household?

so come tuesday, i may be a puddle on the floor.  and if you can't find me there, check the closets.  or the local chocolate shop.  i may have run away.  i'll come back, though.  cause i have to have a chat with all you i-told-you-so peeps.