anything to do with anything

there is a lot about God that i don't understand. a lot. especially since i choose dishes over table theology conversations any day of the week. but sometimes, i wish i could understand just a bit more.

here's where we stand...our estimated travel departure date is january 6. that's right. definitely not before christmas! and the general response has been, "that's okay, you can celebrate twice, it's only a few weeks difference, etc., etc." and i get all that. in fact, i could make a decent list on why january would be better for us.

however, i am not ready to write God's miraculous hand out of the picture. i mean, we have been praying for a miracle, right? so wouldn't it make sense that our estimated travel dates would be in january? if the agency had told us we were traveling in december, there would be nothing miraculous. i have been able to sleep on it and i still feel the same - God is burdening me to keep praying for a miracle. it is clear that he is saying, "keep asking, keep asking, keep asking and expecting."

and here's where it all gets confusing for me. the more i pray, the more he hears? can i influence him with my prayers? it seems like he knows what he is going to do, and he knows my prayer, so why keep praying? and yet i know the stories of the Bible where men and women of God keep asking over and over and over. and it seems like God hears those prayers. so i don't know - i clearly cannot explain it all (although i am quite sure that the men in my life could discuss it for hours after thanksgiving dinner though they get absolutely nowhere...whatever...i'll take the dishes)

it's a vulnerable place to me. sticking myself out on a limb (when clearly other people are not even climbing the tree!) asking for something so ridiculous. my mind shifts from "this is going to be so awesome because God is going to do something huge and no one is going to be able to deny it!" to "i can't believe i am still talking about a miracle. how foolish am i going to look in a couple of months." i don't know, i am just not ready to settle for january yet. maybe that is God's plan for us, and if so i will embrace that and look forward to january! but what a mistake for me to simply assume God doesn't want to do something miraculous.

so, i'm still praying for december. more than that, i'm praying for God's best. but if my prayers have anything to do with anything, then i am going to keep praying for a miracle.