true confessions

well, i have a confession to make. i did a really stupid thing and now i am reaping the consequences. let me start from the beginning...

we are adopting sarahjoy and we are counting on God to provide the funds.

we have been incredibly blessed by generous donations to our family through many of you.

and now we are at the end. almost.

and here is where my huge mistake comes in. as i have been reporting to you our need, in the back of my mind i just knew God was going to provide through a grant from Show Hope (steven curtis chapman's organization). after all, we received one for our last adoption and we certainly are in far more strenuous financial circumstances than we were then. and let's just be honest, we were in the magazine and on the website - there's no way they can deny us!

yeah, well, evidently they can. cause we received the letter the other day and we are receiving exactly $0 from them.

so that total i gave you? well, it just went up $2000. i know it was stupid. i know i shouldn't have counted on it. come on, you learn that in 1st grade. but i did.

so i am finding myself thinking about how i could possibly get a job and work a few hours. or enter the essay contest at Real Simple and win $3000. or find some money in a coat at the thrift store. SOMETHING! anxiety is setting in and the temperature is moving towards frantic.

and honestly, i am weary of this journey. i know God is going to provide. BUT...it is no longer a long way away! we are headed to get our little girl in just a few months and we still need $7000! i feel frustrated and discouraged. i feel like we are doing everything we can do and there still seems to be a huge chasm. which, of course is where God reminds me...it is not about doing everything YOU can. it is about watching ME.

got it. but i am really tired and my faith is about as small as a mustard seed ground up in my pampered chef chopper.

so pray with us. pray specifically that i would not grow weary of trusting God. pray that we would continue to hold fast to the truth that God will provide. and pray for a miraculous movement of God that we would travel debt free to China.