the train is moving

I have been wrestling with God for the past couple of weeks. I had this sense in my soul that he was up to something but I couldn’t quite put my finger on exactly what it was. I thought it was regarding #5, but maybe I was totally off base. So I asked him for an obvious sign. Why not? He’s big, and I get confused easily. And if we are talking about more children, that is no small decision! So I need big, clear signs. Well, let’s just say we need to get the journal rolling. The big guy upstairs isn’t messing around.

But wait, I must catch you up on a few things. In our prayers for #5 we have been weighing two options – biological or adopted. Biological would require a costly surgery and no guarantees, but less costly than adoption. And of course the wonder of childbirth. Adoption is well, one of the greatest things we have ever done. So one morning I was imagining what I wanted (not that what I want is the supreme thing going on here but I was indulging myself) and here is what I came up with…1) adopted; 2) Chinese; 3) girl; 4) toddler. And yet I was still wrestling with which path God wanted for us? Strange, seemed pretty obvious to me at that point. So what was really going on I figured out (or God revealed I should probably say) is that it was all about the money. Sure, there is a certain euphoria to birthing children but truly everything else was amazingly unappealing. Fatness, pain, throwing up, sleepless nights, major age difference. Not what I wanted. What I REALLY wanted was another little Chinese girl! But I want to be clear, it is not the same as wanting a new pair of shoes. This is a deep, life-changing, mind-consuming, heart-stopping desire. God was clearly directing us to adoption. I had been pushing it aside because we were both scared about the money, but there was no doubt after those moments with the Holy Spirit, adoption it would be.

So that settled it. And Eric and I are thrilled. We can’t wait to see what God is going to do this time around. We think we are in store for another miracle, there is not a big fat chunk of change sitting in the BB&T coffers like there used to be. I thought it was going to take a while to see him in action but take this in…

**TODAY, I happened to read an article about plummeting interest rates (who says God isn’t in the liberal media!) Called the mortgage people. Refinanced the house. Saved $150/month just like that! EXACTLY the amount we had talked about wanting in our budget for another child so that we could keep our current savings/retirement plans as they are. Hmmm…you think that’s a coincidence?

**AND, our first big expenditure is the home study. We can’t officially start until July but nevertheless the $1800 is looming large given the not so large nest egg. So as I am talking to the mortgage lady, she offhandedly remarks, “Oh, and when you close on the new loan you will skip a house payment so you won’t have anything due in January.” Really??? Are you kidding me? No, our house payment is not $1800. But, rewind, remember a small detail I just learned, we get a $500 discount for using the same home study agency so really our bill will be $1300. Yep! That’s our house payment.

God is doing BIG things to bring this little girl home. We know it!!! We see it!!! We feel it!!! She is going to be another little miracle. Leah, we are coming for you. Hang on girlie, your mommy and daddy will be there soon. We will love you and will never leave you. We will give you a home and a family. And there are four little people who can't wait for little sister.