china!

We are here!  We have landed safely and have all of our bags.  We are staying in a ridiculously nice hotel in Beijing which we will thoroughly enjoy – they even have a ‘pillow menu’. 

 

We will write more later but the sleepy-sleepy pills are hitting hard.  Suffice it to say, we are very thankful to safely be here!

a father's love

I don't know if you have ever known the love of a father. I imagine that you have - for those first few months before your parents realized they would have to leave you. i imagine a father who was grieved beyond words that he could not love you and care for you like his heart so wanted. i imagine a father who was meticulous about the planning of where they would leave you so you would be found. i imagine a father who held you close and looked you in the eyes only to be torn apart that he knew what was coming. he knew he couldn't be the father he wanted to be, he knew it was all going to come to an end. i imagine a father who has prayed countless times from that fateful day that you would be found and you would be loved again by a daddy.

i wish i could tell him that his prayers have been answered. that in just a few short days you will have the best father anyone has ever had. that you will be loved beyond what he could have imagined. in just a few short days you can have daddy dates. you can experience daddy hugs and daddy kisses. you can feel the love and warmth that only a daddy can give. and most of all, you will have a daddy that will lead you to the best Father of all. you will have a daddy that loves Jesus more than anything in this world and he will lead you there. pretty soon, you will know a Father's love again.

in just 13 days we will meet you. 13 days. i can hardly believe it. hang on little one. your mommy and daddy are coming.

red stripes and blue stars

I was at Old Navy today. We had gone to return a few things and look for a special outfit for Lydia’s homecoming. I was thinking something “American” – she will fly on a Chinese passport but will become a U.S. citizen the moment our plane touches down on American soil. Certainly something to celebrate, and I figured since 4th of July was coming up it wouldn’t be hard to find something cute.

What was supposed to be a quick trip in and out of the store turned into a battle of anxiety and suddenly I found myself overwhelmed at the reality of what we are about to face. Yes, we have prayed and hoped for it for so long, but now it is here and the challenges and questions are looming over me. Lydia is Chinese, will look Chinese, will speak Chinese – how can I put an American outfit on her? How do I honor her heritage? Her birthparents remain in China; do I ignore that and turn her into an all-American girl? Her history is on the other side of the world – those who gave her life are still living in a country vastly different than our own. Am I allowed to take her away? Is it okay that I will be responsible for creating an enormous chasm between who she is now and who she will be in 5 years? Okay that she will lose, in a very short amount of time, much of who she is at this moment? And she will never get it back? As much as I am excited for us, I think I am grieving the loss that she is about to have - wondering how I reconcile my part in her grief. She will never meet her birthparents, never know where she was born and when exactly, never know if she has big brother. She will never know why. I realize that all this would be true if she was not to be our daughter, but the idea that I am intimately involved in her loss and grief is a bit haunting.

There is a pit in my stomach pretty much at all times these days. The scope of the next few weeks is overwhelming. In just over 2 weeks we will be handed a child and she will be ours to love and care for as long as we live. We have never met her, touched her, or said anything to her. She may or may not have ever seen our picture. We will not speak the same language, eat the same food, or live life the same way. In a matter of minutes, her caretakers will leave us and there we will be looking at her face, her looking at us, and all three of us wondering what in the world is going on. We will no longer be the family we once were nor will she be the little girl she has been for the past 2 ½ years. We will change drastically in the next few months and all of us will look at life far different than we did before.

Our tickets are bought – we depart Norfolk at 9:08 a.m. on June 26 as a family of five. And we will arrive home at 7:02 p.m. on July 11 as a family of six. Thirteen days from now our journey of 3 years will be over. Or will it just be beginning. The excitement is too much to describe, the anxiety almost too much to bear. But in this mixed bag of emotions that is my reality right now, I cling to the truth that God has undeniably led us on this journey and this little girl, Li Ji Shan, was created to be ours. She was ordained from the beginning of time to be our daughter and our sister. And we can’t wait to tell her. We can’t wait to be able to love her, embrace her, hold her close and whisper in her ear “You are mine.” Okay, she will have no idea what we are saying… but I think she will get it. And I guess we will have to see about that little blue dress with stars on it.

Packin' my bags!

This will not be long...my head is swirling and I can't really put two thoughts together. But...I wanted you all to know that we received word today from our agency that we will be travelling much sooner than expected! Our travel approval came from China very quickly (why am I shocked?) and we will be leaving June 26! That's like is two weeks almost! We can hardly believe it! We will be holding Lydia in our arms in just a couple of weeks!!!

Thank you for all of your prayers! We are getting really excited and absolutely cannot wait for you to meet her!

Oh my!

You are so big! I cannot believe how much you have grown. I am so excited that you look healthy, a little sad that I am missing you grow, but completely thrilled that we get to come get you soon! You have fun until we get you! It won't be long.

7 weeks from today!

i can't believe we are coming to get you in 7 weeks. it feels like and eternity and yet the idea that i will be able to hold you so soon makes my tummy crazy! i am in awe of God's miracle. i know that someday you will ask questions as to why your parents in China were not able to keep you and you will always grieve that loss, but there is not a shadow of a doubt that God created you to be in our family and to be our daughter. he has confirmed that through this miracle of a journey and i am so grateful. i am grateful because it has made my know, that i know, that i know, that i know you were meant to be our daughter. and to think i get to hug and kiss on you in just a few WEEKS is beyond words.

we are getting ready to come and get you! our packing list is already a page long, trying to think of everything you will need. i wonder what you will want to eat? will you like cheerios? what toys should we bring? will you like the bath? will you like me? so many questions and just thinking about it makes me excited!

i love you already. i know that it will take time for you to love me. but no matter what you do and how you feel, i will love you. and i can't wait until i get to whisper that in your sweet ear. and though you will not understand, maybe you will sense that now...you have a family, you have a mommy and a daddy, you have a grammy and a pops, a grandma and an aunt chrissy. you have more love than you could even imagine.

we can't wait to see you!

China or Bust!!!!

well. i really don't know what to say. seriously, i am about speechless. God has moved beyond our imagination and WE ARE GOING TO CHINA IN JULY!!!!!

yep, that's right! we were praying for a miracle that we could travel quickly and go in july and he has made it happen! we received a call this morning from our agency that we had received our final bit of paperwork from china and we should be travelling around july 10.

eric and i are down in corolla for the week so we have been celebrating all day! we are so excited!!!!! it is almost unfathomable that in january, while staring at 5 years until we would meet our little girl, we felt led to pray for a miracle that she would be here this year. AND SHE IS GOING TO BE HERE IN JULY!!!!! we are standing in awe of God's amazing miracle that has happened right before our eyes.

and i think i have actually forgotten to tell you in all of the excitement of the last few weeks, but two more things to add to our miracle list...1)lydia has been in foster care since last june which is an exponentially better situation than an orphanage. and 2)we received updated measurements a couple of weeks ago and she has jumped (since she has been in foster care) from less than 1st percentile to 15 - 20th percentile in her height, weight, and head circumference!

so that's our miracle story! we are so excited and CAN'T WAIT for you all to meet her!